Posted in Psychology

FACEBOOK ESTRANGEMENT: THE PSYCHOLOGY OF UNFRIENDING AND BLOCKING

Being in a relationship requires maturity of the mind, emotions, and behavior.

Does this apply in social networking like Facebook? Definitely. Yes, Facebook can bring you up, but sadly, it can also bring you down. The meltdown of a Facebook friendship almost always occurs in a non-mutually agreed-upon way. Meaning, most of the time it’s only the decision of the person who unfriended and/or blocked you. No conversation needed. Just press the unfriend/block button, and bam! It’s over. Imagine how painful it is to have your right to ask for reason and explain your side removed. How bad is that, humans? According to psychologists, unfriending someone on Facebook is called “Facebook estrangement”. This only means that by unfriending you, the person has officially severed social ties with you. Again, how bad is that, humans?

I compiled some psychological explanations from counselors, psychologists, and researchers who studied about and dealt with the phenomena. Here are some points to consider when unfriended and/or blocked by someone:

Don’t wrestle with the unfriending. It could be more acceptable and even possible that you may be more upset about being unfriended/blocked than about losing a friend. If you’re thinking too much and more about the unfriending than about the friend, this could only mean that the person wasn’t really all that close to you. If this point already satisfied you, then stop reading. Your concern has already been addressed. The person is not that important to you. Yeah, you’re welcome.

Look objectively at your Real and Virtual (Facebook) behavior. It could be the reason why you were unfriended. Ask yourself. Do you continually make unfiltered comments that could hurt someone? Do you gossip? Do you put a person down? In a study conducted by Christopher Sabona from University of Colorado Denver, people often unfriend co-workers for their actions in the real world rather than anything they post on Facebook.

Not applicable? Maybe, this one is. Are you guilty of sharing too much information like you post every thing about you including the number of times that you inhale oxygen in a day? I can’t blame them if they will unfriend you. Seriously.

Take the effort to know the cause of sudden severing of ties and if still possible, try to repair it. Self-explanatory. Difficult, though, and this may only be applicable to people who are still worthy of another chance of conversation and maybe, friendship.

Don’t be blinded by false hopes to avoid disappointment. Let the sequel and aftermath, and of course, taking a break, have their process be finished. If it’s meant to be, the relationship will resume in its own perfect time.

Never ever stalk the person who unfriended you. If this person is worth the chance, but you were unable to repair the severed relationship, don’t allow yourself to be more distressed by becoming a stalker. You’ll see this person’s posts, check-ins, and everything and this might only You will only re-cut the scars.

I was unfriended/blocked for several times since I joined Facebook, and I also have done the same to others. They have their reason and so have I. But on social network, no one tells you that you’re unfriended, but instead the person just presses the button and it’s over. No one never has to tell you in person their reason. They don’t even need your consent to do it to you.

Keep in mind, though, that a mature individual can cope up with this kind of situation as long as he/she keeps track of his/her own thoughts, emotions, and behavior — whether it be in real or virtual life.

Maturity is about how you see and understand things. It’s about how you consider others. It’s about how you communicate. It’s about how you react. It’s about the things that you gove importance to. It’s about the things that you entertain. It’s about how you represent yourself and others. 

Take nothing personally and you’ll feel more liberated in that way. Remember that it’s not about you all the time.

You can get through this, mature person.

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Posted in Psychology

Binabati Kita!

Marahil ay sobrang huli na ako sa gagawin kong ito dahil hinintay ko pa ang araw ng pagtatapos ng aking mga mag-aaral sa kung saan ako naglilingkod. Pero binabati ko ang bawat isa na matagumpay na nagtapos ngayong taon.

Hindi biro ang bawat araw na iyong ipinasok sa paaralan. Hindi nagkaroon ng mga araw na magkakaparehas. Lahat ay magkaka-iba. Lahat ay may nakatakdang pagsubok at kuwento na kailangan mong pagdaanan at lampasan hanggang masabi sa sarili na, “Handa na ako sa bagong bukas.”

May sandaling masayang-masaya, may sandali ring iiyak ka na lang. Pero ano pa man ang mga naramdaman at naging reaksyon, alam kong masasabi mong pinatibay ka ng mga iyon at inihanda sa mas malalaki at mas nakapupukaw na pagsubok na tiyak natin parehas na kakayanin mo ring lampasan. Gano’n kabilib sa’yo ang iyong mga guro, propesor, at mga taong nakasaksi ng iyong paglago (ikaw dapat lalo).

Binabati kita. Bagamat nagtapos ka, sabihin sa iyong sarili na hindi ito ang wakas. Sa halip ay patuloy na banggitin sa sarili hanggang sa yakapin ang katotohanan na ito ay simula ng bagong landas na tatahakin hawak ang mga natutunan sa pagkukulay ng magandang kinabukasan.

Ngayon, itong daang nasa larawan muna ang paghandaan mong lakaran at lampasan nang maabot ang regalong pinakama-iibigan ng magulang — ang iyong diploma.

Muli, binabati kita.

Posted in Psychology

Standing My Ground

I’ve been bullied for several times before and I will never allow it to happen to me again.

I will never forget the day my pained and disappointed father sat down with me and gave me “The Talk”, and told me things that he felt I needed to hear and would eventually impact me. It happened after I went home frowning because of an incident where I got beaten up by a classmate.

I embraced his words from then on and everytime a bully would try to do something against me, I just stood up my ground, looked them in the eye, and made them feel that I will never back down. Sometimes, I would get away from the bullying and get home safe. Sometimes, I would go home with wounds and dirty destroyed clothes and those were the moments where my father would just tap and remind me of his talk.

He wouldn’t tolerate me from being violent, but he would tell me that he is proud whenever his son doesn’t hold back. And if there’s a value that he wanted to inculcate, it’s fighting for one’s right to speak up and do whatever it takes to defend his space from anybody who would try to ruin it.

It’s funny because I got my Master’s Degree in Counseling with a thesis about bullying. Or maybe, it was destiny. I just can’t let others use their strength and influence only to intimidate others.


I have been telling myself that when I have a chance to sit down and do “The Talk” with my future children, I will tell them the exact things that my father told me. But since I have yet to experience fatherhood, I choose to do this with my people — the ones that I have influence to, especially my students, and orhers who are within my bounds. I tell them the same exact words that Pop said.

“Stand your ground. Don’t let others hurt you. Defend your space. Fight for your right to live peacefully.”

I’ve been bullied for several times before and I will never allow it to happen to me, to my children, and to my people again.

Posted in Psychology, Series

This Inspiring “This Is Us”

I don’t know if it’s strange, but when I began to whole-heartedly embrace my career, all I wanted to happen in life is to become a wise old man someday. 

This is why I easily loved Dr. K’s character in This Is Us. He says the right words every time they are needed.

Wanna cry? Wanna laugh? Watch this beautiful series.

Wanna find your life’s meaning through something? Binge-watch this one of the greatest things that ever happened in TV history. And you wouldn’t mind if this becomes a result of staying at home for the whole weekend like what we just experienced. 

“I like to think that one day you’ll be an old man like me talkin’ a young man’s ear off explainin’ to him how you took the sourest lemon that life has to offer and turned it into something resembling lemonade.”

-Dr. K

Posted in Psychology, Series

It’s Hard

Saw an episode of this intriguing series because the Love was binge-watching it. I want to share my take on this show, but it will be in a separate post. 

Anyway, I feel for Mr. Porter, the school counselor, and his struggle. It’s hard to not know a serious problem that one of the students is having when every person counts on you and looks up to you since you are the helper and empowerer of the institution, but it’s as difficult as knowing everything and trying your best to act on it professionally and humanely, even if your job and license are both on the line.
Jay Asher, the writer of 13 Reasons Why, said it best. “You don’t know what goes on in anyone’s life but your own. And when you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re not messing with just that part. Unfortunately, you can’t be that precise and selective. When you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re messing with their entire life. Everything affects everything.”

Posted in Psychology

On Career Choices

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1. What would you do if you weren’t afraid of judgment?

2. What if you found the courage to do what you really wanted to do and doing it changed your whole life?

Making a living that reflects your values and satisfies your needs is an achievement. It’s just rare, though.

Career choice is not as much about who you used to be, as it is about who you CHOOSE to be.

Your call. Your decision.

Posted in Psychology

Be a Swan

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Simple Lesson:

Never make a decision when your emotions are high. Happy, sad, or disappointed, avoid it. Breathe, focus, and restore the calmness.

A sharp mind functions in a calm atmosphere like a beautiful swan swimming in a serene lake.